Earthly Loop vs Eternal Loop

Often times we try to be perfectly "lovable" so that others will reciprocate the love we give to them. Or we hope people will just give us love because we're so lovable. It's stressful to try and be lovable all the time. What happens when we feel down, we get sick, we get tired, we get agitated... what happens when we're no longer lovable? What then? How do we feel acceptance and worth? Are we worthy of acceptance and love even though we're not lovable anymore?  The answer is yes... always... we are imperfect but wired for struggle and eternally worthy of love and acceptance... again, it is in this imperfection that we are still lovable... all of us.

So where will the love come from when we don't "deserve" it or when we are no longer lovable? It comes from people who have learned how to give love without needing you to give love in return. People who have learned that pure love doesn't come from others... but from above. They can still be filled with love even though we are not able to give them love in return.

I have tried to be SUPER lovable my whole life. Trying to be perfect at everything humanly possible. And at times it seemed like I could keep it up for a long time. I wanted my cup to be filled by those around me. It was so very important for me to feel love from everyone... I tried so hard to be friends to all... to never say an unkind word... to never make anyone angry... to do 110% at everything all the time...

And it worked, until I became unlovable. Suddenly I couldn't control how I felt all the time. I would feel down, get sick, need sleep all the time, get agitated at the smallest things... I was no longer loved by all. It hurt. Now where do I feel acceptance from? I truly thought many, many people in my life would give up on me because my secret was out... I wasn't lovable anymore. I had a huge flaw that couldn't be fixed... a flaw that I would have to live with the rest of my life. How could they stick around when they weren't getting anything in return? And to my horror, many people did stop loving me because I wasn't lovable 110% of the time.

How surprised I was that a few people could still love me in this new condition. The funny thing is I have been able to truly LOVE the unlovable my entire life... and I understood that as mortals, we are ALL imperfect and not deserving of love all the time. Over time, I have acquired the gift of having great empathy and compassion for others. I lived my life giving and I didn't expect love from that person in return... BUT I did expect it to come around from someone else. So what happens when you are no longer in the earthly service loop? The loop of: if I give love to someone then someone else in the loop will give love back to me (what goes around, comes around).

The hard truth is: this earthly loop is flawed by imperfect people, all of us of course, the unlovable. So when we're not so lovable, love may not come back.

But the loop here on earth is so fun... so immediately rewarding... so public... that's why we enjoy participating in this loop.

I need to learn to fill my life with those who have a different loop... an eternal loop. One between them and the Lord. They give love to others and the Lord gives them love in return. I don't have the pressure of filling their cup anymore.

I have started a journey to be filled by an eternal loop of love instead of an earthly loop of reciprocated love. I have always felt rewarded and blessed for serving and loving others. I know that is the way to live in happiness. The piece I was missing is that I felt as long as I was perfectly lovable, my needs  would be filled by others. I need to change my loop and follow the example of those around me who have learned to love in that eternal loop... those who solely rely on Heavenly hands to fill their cups.

I've been reading a great book, Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem by Ester Rasband

Here is a great story from the book that illustrates this concept so clearly:

A young man died, and upon arrival at the Pearly Gates was treated to a tour of heaven and hell before his final assignment. Hell was first, and he was surprised to find it a room of lavish banquet tables, laden with wonderful things to eat. The people there, however, were emaciated and crying out in hunger. The only way to gain access to the food was with extremely long-handled spoons permanently attached to their hands. When they tried to put the spoons to their mouths, they found it impossible to reach. So the residents of this home of damned cried out in anguish as well as hunger. The young man on the tour averted his eyes in horror. To see these people starving in the midst of plenty was more than he could bear. He begged to be taken away from this place.

Imagine to the young man's surprise on arrival in heaven when he saw identical tables and identical food. The people here, however, were well fed and happy. There was laughter and music and delight. At first the young man thought that the access to the food must be easier. Then he saw it... The food had to be eaten with the same long-handled spoons. The people in heaven, however, had discovered that the long-handled spoons worked very well to feed the food to each other.

Energizing love is served with long-handled spoons. You cannot feed it to yourself. Most people in the world think you can. They tell you that you must. It becomes an urgency to "feel good about yourself," a strain to admire yourself, a demand to be admirable. The self-focus will keep you from peace.

If you feel hungry for love, grab hold of a long-handled spoon and feed love to others. Miraculously, you will begin to feel love coming directly from your Father in Heaven, which is the purest sort.